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Melissa · #1 (**permalink**) 10-24-2009, 02:31 PM

I just need to vent a bit. The last few weeks haven't been the greatest for dh and I.

Because I got pg so unexpectedly, I didn't have any time to discuss my meds with anyone - I'm still looking for a new pysch - so I decided the best thing was to not be on them. So for about a month or so now, I've been off my bipolar meds. Overall, I think I'm doing well considering. I've since talked to my OB and they are supportive, although they didn't like that I just quit them on my own.

Because I'm off the meds, symptoms have returned meaning that I am depressed some, but rageful a lot. So I admit, I haven't been the easiest to get along with. Dh is usually the ones that gets the most of it anyways, I don't know why, it just seems that way. He can do nothing, and I'll rage at him. But when he does stuff, it makes it 10x worse. Like letting my van fall apart and then getting mad when I get mad about it. I feel like crap 100% of the time and he gets mad that I don't do anything around the house. He's still not exactly happy about the baby, which makes me feel bad.

It's not a huge deal, we've had issues like this before, but knowing that I can't go back on my meds right now isn't helping. I'm wondering if it will be like this for the next 7 months. I just wish he were more understanding. I told him that he knows I don't feel good and I'm on edge, that you would think he would try and make my life a bit easier. His reply was something dumb like, ya you'd think.

Beth · #2 (**permalink**) 10-24-2009, 02:44 PM

Hugs Melissa. I am sure dh is just a bit overwhelmed with the idea of a new baby AND you are off your meds and getting angry at him for stuff. He sounds like a tough cookie though and I am sure once the idea of the new baby sinks in he will recognize that you are dealing with being off your meds and suffering with heartburn and stuff. I am sure in the future he will lay off you and be more helpful.

heidi · #3 (**permalink**) 10-24-2009, 02:55 PM

I have to agree with Beth. Give him some time. I know you are going through a heck of a lot but he has a lot going on too. I bet he is "scared" about you when you are not on your medication either and what that all involves. Everyone has rough times in their marriage. Maybe you can call a truce. Would it help if he had a code word he could use if he feels that you are raging on him to much so both can back off for a while. Also what if you sat down and made a list of everything that needs to get done that he needs to do etc. so you would not feel so overwhelmed.

Melissa · #4 (**permalink**) 10-24-2009, 03:01 PM

He gets mad when I say what needs to get done. He gets very defensive about some of it because it's stuff that has been neglected. I guess it's because of my attitude when I bring it up, like when I'm outraged about my leaking gas tank because the Publix service counter called me up to tell me. That sort of thing.

Maybe we can sit down and talk and it will help. I think part of it is when I'm on my meds, I can cope with him being "him", but when I'm not, it's harder to overlook the stuff.

heidi · #5 (**permalink**) 10-24-2009, 03:13 PM

Can someone watch the kids for you for an hour or two so you guys can sit down and talk in a calm manner? I would probably get defensive too if someone was not happy with me was upset with something I neglected to do. But I do get your position too. Of course if it was me and something did not get done that my partner was suppose to do I would either do it myself or get an estimate and present dh with the cost that usually lights a fire under him.

Melissa · #6 (**permalink**) 10-24-2009, 03:30 PM

One of the problems with the van he's had an estimate on since July. He gave me the excuse of "well the van still runs so it's not an emergency" as to why he hasn't gotten it done until now when I finally insisted enough. I guess I could do everything myself and let him get pissed. If I had the time or energy. LOL

I understand it's embarrassing to be called on something that you've been irresponsible about. And I understand that I should be calmer when I bring it up. But honestly, even when I try, he turns everything back on me. It's not my fault you're embarrassed for not taking care of things. LOL

I guess I could try and get my mom to watch them, I just don't know when. Next Friday is the first free night we have. I'm glad I''ll be back to not working soon, but honestly I think it's going to cause more problems. And of course, there's the problem that he doesn't talk and share real well, which usually makes me more upset. LOL

I'm just frustrated.

heidi · #7 (**permalink**) 10-24-2009, 03:37 PM

I so get your frustration Melissa I really do. I live with the man who has ADHD and never shares anything unless it is drug out of him.

One thing you might think of is retrouvalle. I recomend it to everyone who is married not just people who are in trouble (not saying your marriage is in trouble). Wouldn't it be nice to have the tools before you get in trouble? It was the best thing we ever ever did in our marriage. Retrouvaille Marriage Help for couples with marriage problems. there is a weekend in January.

Samantha · #8 (**permalink**) 10-26-2009, 05:57 AM

Im sorry you are having to deal with so much right now when all you need to be doing is resting and taking care of yourself. Is there a med thats okay during pregnancy you can take?

I hope he does adjust with a little time and is more understanding.

HELENH. · #9 (**permalink**) 10-26-2009, 06:51 PM

That was my first thought.Is there a med you can take while your preg. Ask your doctor or public health dept.

mommyto2angels · #10 (**permalink**) 10-26-2009, 07:48 PM

Since it has been a few days how are you doing now? Hope things get better for you!

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